If you've ever seen the popular movie The Wizard of Oz, you'll be familiar with the winged monkeys that the Wicked Witch had helping her. She would send out the monkeys whenever she needed her evil plans to be carried out.
Narcissists are very much like the Wicked Witch.
You see, Narcissists will use people to do their bidding. It's abuse by proxy! Using others to abuse you is an extremely underhanded way to continue the abuse, even after the relationship is over. It doesn't matter if the people know they are a flying monkey or not. The end result is still the same - the target is left feeling abused by more than just the Narcissist.
Looking back on my situation, I have discovered that there have been those who seemed to get sick enjoyment out of attacking me. Even now, 6 years post-Narc, I come across people who seem to have an air of superiority about them and verbally attack me. (Why do they do this? Is it just to bolster their own inflated ego? Is it to push others down? I think it's both.)
Flying monkeys achieve the Narcissist's goal of abuse by proxy by passing along the Narcissist's message. I know my NX has asked these people, because the words that come out of their mouths are exactly what my NX would say. It could be something simple as a "Hey, he wanted to know how your Dad is doing" or as verbally lashing as "You would go to bed with any man who would take you." (Yeah, that last one was actually said to me!)
I have had friends who have Facebook messaged me to say "Did you know that he...." kind of thing. I know they don't mean to really hurt me, but by passing along any kind of message or a "what he's up to" thing, but I still would get a twinge of shame, guilt or even anger. That is why I have asked my friends and family to not tell me what he's up to, what his Facebook says, or anything of that nature.
And you know, in a really awful way, I do want to know. I know, I know. That sounds like I'm still playing my NX's game of being his victim. Some would even call it Narc-Dipping. (See my blog post What Is Narc-Dipping for more.) I have a reason for doing what I do.
Many times, the flying monkeys don't know the Narcissists are even using them like this. The Narcissists are SO good at manipulation, that they will have the flying monkeys completely convinced that the Narcissists are the victim and that the actual victim is the abuser! (Read my post The Great Manipulator for more on manipulation tactics.)
So why do Narcissist use flying monkeys?
A flying monkey is one of the many weapons in the Narcissist's arsenal. The sole reason Narcissists use flying monkeys is because they get to do the Narcissist's dirty work. This works out perfectly for the Narcissists because then they can claim innocence, and that they didn't do or say anything "wrong." They get to "keep their hands clean" and claim to be the proverbial victim!
And oh boy, do the Narcissists play the victim incredibly well!
Narcissists use flying monkeys to continue the abuse, even after the discard. It will come in the form of more verbal attacks, social media smear campaigns, and financial abuse.
I had no idea
While I was with my NX, I wasn't even aware of what a flying monkey was in the context of how Narcissists used people. I was too conditioned to believe the worst in myself. I didn't even think at the time that the problem was actually him!
Since being away from my NX, I learned a few things. Like my NX's "therapist" was a flying monkey and helped him in my discard (read The Discard post for more information).
On my my daughter's recent birthday, I also learned that my NX's new supply (NS) is also a flying monkey. And she doesn't even know it! I called to wish my daughter a happy birthday. They were apparently getting ready to go out. The next thing I know, the NS is doing my daughter's hair WHILE I'm on the phone with my daughter. Oh, the NX knew very well I was on the phone. He had the NS do that to see if I would give a reaction.
The Narcissistic M.O.
A Narcissist's modus operandi (or particular method for doing something) is that of a puppet master. He is the director of a play. And all the flying monkeys are his puppets. They tell their flying monkeys to do or say something and they go do it.
In the Narc's eyes, their flying monkeys are only as good as what they can use them for. Once they no longer serve a purpose (as in the person begins to see what the Narcissists actually are), they are subsequently discarded and become a target themselves.
One of the main goals of Narcissists is to isolate their victims. They will also attempt at turning friends and family against you by driving a very large wedge in between what was once a great relationship. They'll recruit them as flying monkeys. Sometimes, this ploy works. Many times, the newly recruited flying monkey will never see your side of things, no matter how hard you try to convince them. That person is now set on seeing the worst in you. (I should know.....this has happened to me. A person I used to be close to now sees the worst in me.) Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it. The person will just have to see it for himself or herself.
Have you had experience with flying monkeys? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.