Has the Narcissist in your life ever told you that if you don't give him what he wants, then there will be consequences? Were you given promises then have them taken away? Did the Narc use your vulnerabilities to his advantage? Does the Narc always want more no matter how much you give? Have you been made to feel guilty if you don't give in?
If you answered yes to any (or all) of the above questions, then you were being emotionally blackmailed.
Emotional blackmail is an immensely powerful tool that the Narcissist will use to control the victim. Threats are issued and if the victim doesn't do what the Narc wants, there will be consequences. My NX spit out threat after threat after threat in attempts to get me to do what he wanted. Simply put, the Narcissist will use fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) to get what he wants.
My NX would dig out the intimate knowledge he had of me and threatened to use this knowledge against me. More times than I can count, he'd issue the threat of contacting my entire Facebook friends list to tell them all about the things that "I" did and said. I said many of my close friends knew of my past anyway, so his threat meant nothing to me.
He also loved to threaten me with getting a judge to take away my parental rights if I didn't do what he wanted. One of his favorite demands? He demanded that I give him my work phone number. He had my cell phone number and that was all he (and my children's school) needed. He felt he was above leaving a message for me if it was an emergency and that I should KNOW what he was calling about!
Why do Narcs use emotional blackmail?
Simple. Narcissists NEED to win at any cost. They will do whatever they need to do in order to get what they want. And what do they want? Narcissists want control over you. They must have it. They crave it. They will ignore your protests, your arguments, your crying or screaming. They will always hold steadfast to their belief that they are superior to you and therefore must control you. By using emotional blackmail, the Narcissist will continue to tug at your heartstrings to manipulate you into doing what he wants.
Narcissists employ the use of FOG to confuse their victims, to make the victims feel terrified to disagree with them or upset them. They make the victim feel obligated to "obey" and lay it on thick with guilt if the victim doesn't obey.
I remember my NX using emotional blackmail to get me to move back. We were separated (after that knife incident in July 2007) and he hoovered me until I would listen to what he had to say. He used the ultimate piece of emotional blackmail - that our daughter needed her mommy. He KNEW that my daughter means the world to me, and he USED that to his advantage. I felt obligated to my daughter. I had a duty to be a good mom to her, and he guilted me into "reconciling" with him.
Do Narcissists ever make good on their threats?
Most of the time, no. But the ONE time that they do, it will get you where it counts. For years, my NX threatened to go to a judge to get the child support increased. I got remarried in October 2013, and those threats stepped up a few notches. Once again, he demanded that I give him my work phone number because I "never answer" my cell phone. (Well more often than not when he calls, I'm at work and unable to answer personal phone calls!) Once again, I said no...he had my cell phone number and that was good enough.
In September 2014, I received papers indicating that he had actually opened up a child support review case against me! But because he and I live in different states and the divorce occurred in a completely different state, this became a tri-state case. At the very beginning of December 2015, I received a simple letter stating that the review determined that the child support I pay would increase by MORE THAN DOUBLE! As of this date, I have not been served with the official paperwork for this case. Once I do get it, I will be requesting a court hearing and I will take my proof to the court as to why I cannot pay what the state thinks I can pay!
Have you been emotionally blackmailed? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.