Has the Narcissist in your life ever told you that if you don't give them what they want, then there will be consequences? Were you given promises then have them taken away? Did the Narc use your vulnerabilities to their advantage? Does the Narc always want more no matter how much you give? Have you been made to feel guilty if you don't give in?
If you answered yes to any (or all) of the above questions, then you were being emotionally blackmailed.
Emotional blackmail is an immensely powerful tool that the Narcissist will use to control the victim. Threats are issued and if the victim doesn't do what the Narc wants, there will be consequences. My NX spit out threat after threat after threat in attempts to get me to do what he wanted. Simply put, the Narcissist will use fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) to get what he wants. My NX would dig out the intimate knowledge he had of me and threatened to use this knowledge against me. More times than I can count, he'd issue the threat of contacting my entire Facebook friends list to tell them all about the things that "I" did and said. I said many of my close friends knew of my past anyway, so his threat meant nothing to me. He also loved to threaten me with getting a judge to take away my parental rights if I didn't do what he wanted. One of his favorite demands? He demanded that I give him my work phone number. He had my cell phone number and that was all he (and my children's school) needed. He felt he was above leaving a message for me if it was an emergency and that I should KNOW what he was calling about!
Why do Narcs use emotional blackmail?
Simple. Narcissists NEED to win at any cost. They will do whatever they need to do in order to get what they want. And what do they want? Narcissists want control over you. They must have it. They crave it. They will ignore your protests, your arguments, your crying or screaming. They will always hold steadfast to their belief that they are superior to you and therefore must control you. By using emotional blackmail, the Narcissist will continue to tug at your heartstrings to manipulate you into doing what they want. Narcissists employ the use of FOG to confuse their victims, to make the victims feel terrified to disagree with them or upset them. They make the victim feel obligated to "obey" and lay it on thick with guilt if the victim doesn't obey. I remember my NX using emotional blackmail to get me to move back. We were separated (after that major incident in the summer of 2007) and he hoovered me until I would listen to what he had to say. He used the ultimate piece of emotional blackmail - that our daughter needed her mommy. He KNEW that my daughter means the world to me, and he USED that to his advantage. I felt obligated to my daughter. I had a duty to be a good mom to her, and he guilted me into "reconciling" with him. Do Narcissists ever make good on their threats? Most of the time, no. But the ONE time that they do, it will get you where it counts. For years, my NX threatened to go to a judge to get the child support increased. I got remarried in 2013, and those threats stepped up a few notches. Once again, he demanded that I give him my work phone number because I "never answer" my cell phone. (Well more often than not when he calls, I'm at work and unable to answer personal phone calls!) Once again, I said no...he had my cell phone number and that was good enough. Towards the end of 2014, I received papers indicating that he had actually opened up a child support review case against me! But because he and I live in different states and the divorce occurred in a completely different state, this became a tri-state case. Towards the very end of 2015, I received a simple letter stating that the review determined that the child support I pay would increase by MORE THAN DOUBLE! As of this date, I have not been served with the official paperwork for this case. Once I do get it, I will be requesting a court hearing and I will take my proof to the court as to why I cannot pay what the state thinks I can pay! Have you been emotionally blackmailed? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
5 Comments
8/22/2016 08:34:32 am
hi. my ex pulled this crap on me. i called his bluff and walked away. haven't seen or heard from my children in over a decade.
Reply
Jenn
8/22/2016 11:03:48 am
Target.......You're welcome. And thank you for the compliment. I hope my posts bring you comfort. I post additional things on my Facebook page by the same name. Just search for Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse in your Facebook search bar.
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Misty
8/25/2016 09:38:51 pm
my ex would kick me out and then beg me to come back. he started shooting up and blamed me because i left him. he would threaten suicide, starvation, and he even let our pit bull out, knowing that he had dog aggression. and of course he got took to the pound. and we got evicted. but i got him back, thankfully we now live with my mother and he has a fenced in yard.everything that went wrong in the relationship was my fault. he would blow my phone up until i came home. it has been 2 months since we separated and he had a new gf the next day. i dont regret it one bit, i just feel sorry for the girl that hes with now because she has no idea what she is in store for.
Reply
Jenn
8/26/2016 08:45:02 am
Misty.....I am sorry that you endured that. Narcs will discard and hoover, repeatedly. They will say mean and nasty things, then "apologize" to win you back. It's all to mess with your head. I am glad you are free of it now. Focus on yourself and healing. Don't worry about what that new victim is in store for. You can live your life free now. Take care. I'll be thinking of you.
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Timmothy
8/17/2017 01:01:28 am
Is this emotional blackmail from my father. Wtf u talking about your going to put your grandparents in grave leaving dog all alone everyday. Im sitting here crying all the years i took of you wasnt the way to do this. wtf won't u call me u devastated me pap nana and probably getting rid of dog. Can not stay alone 13 hrs thx. Seen your facebook post if you love me so much why you hurt me so bad. Get back home get in school your future would be brighter here Tim. Please Come Back. This is only a few of many i have his number now blocked on my phone what do you think.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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