I've seen the question asked many times. Can a Narcissist change for the better? Surprisingly, the answer is both yes and no. I have not seen it happen, so that doesn't necessarily mean that it doesn't happen.
I have only known two Narcissists - my NX and his mother. Do I believe that they can change? No, I don't. Even though my NX claims his NS (new supply) has changed him and he's a "new man," he has shown me that he will always be the same person underneath.
How has he shown me? By slinging the same insults at me, despite his claims of being a changed person. That came about a few months ago after I included my daughter's teacher in on an email response to my NX. It had to do with my NX wanting to take my daughter out of the class for some ridiculous reasons. He showed his true colors when he noticed the teacher was copied on the email. However, some experts believe that some Narcissists can change! The Queenbeeing website quoted Dr. Lynne Namka, who said that those Narcissists with a lesser degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder can, in fact, change. "Some have to undergo a humbling experience or a great emotional loss before they start to admit their defensiveness and inability to take responsibility for their actions," Namka writes. "As they grow older, some start to notice their insensitivity when dealing with those around them. Some start to feel healthy guilt about their past actions. Guilt, while painful if handled correctly, can be a break-through emotion that sets the person on the path to a happier life."
But what if the Narcissist in your life is a full-on major Narcissist? In my unprofessional opinion, I feel that, based on my experience with my NX, that Narcissists cannot and will not ever change.
There would be times where my NX would apologize and things would seem better for a day or two, or even a week. But something inevitably happens that brings out his evil side again. The Narcissist in him would step back out of the shadows. Melanie Tonia Evans explains this "process" more in depth in her article, "What Would It Take For A Narcissist To Heal?" "Or, you have been so worn down by the previous twists and turns, projections, lies, lack of accountability and scapegoating, that the incredible relief of a ‘genuine apology’ feels like it must be real. Firstly, when dealing with a narcissist, you have no ability to know whether or not these proclamations of taking responsibility and being remorseful are feigned or genuine."
Why the Narcissistic behaviors return
In typical Narcissistic fashion, the behaviors return. The promises the Narcissist makes are just false promises. It garners hope in the victim that maybe, just maybe, the nice guy and those good times will return. But those promises don't last. The Narcissistic behaviors will return. It's just a matter of when. In my blog Walking on Eggshells, I described the tip-toeing nature a victim has to take on just so he or she doesn't anger the Narcissist again. You do your best to be careful. We all do it. I tried so hard to keep the peace and not anger him again. But it's a Murphy's Law situation. No matter what you do or say (or don't do or say), you will set off the Narcissist's rage. It is not your fault, don't worry. It's simply that it's in the Narcissist's nature to act this way. The Narcissist will perceive that you did something to cause them to act that way, so in their minds, their actions are justified. Those who do change The Narcissists who DO change are the ones who truly do see that they are at fault and make honest efforts to truly change their behaviors. To do so, requires self-reflection and introspection, both of which most (of not all) full-on Narcissists don't do. Have you known a Narcissist to change? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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