Whether you've been away from the Narcissist for a month or a year (or more), you're likely to stumble a bit down your path of healing and recovery. Why is recovery so hard? Read on.
The below list of reasons is why recovery has been so hard for me. Do any of these look familiar?
1. He had me fooled. He played the part of the perfect mate and led me right down the primrose path. He was very adept to crafting perfection....that he could give me all that I ever wanted, that he never felt that way about anyone before, that we had so much in common. But it was all a ruse. (Read my post on Mirroring for more info.) 2. He got inside my head. All the disparaging remarks, put downs, and criticisms led me to doubt myself and my abilities. He stripped me of my self-confidence. I find myself still thinking, "What am I doing? I can't do this." That's HIM talking! That's him still getting inside my thoughts, causing me to doubt. 3. I felt so unlovable. This kind of relates to the above reason. The NX conditioned me to believe that no one would ever love me, that I was a worthless piece of trash that no one would want. I became so depressed because I felt so unlovable. I didn't think I was worthy to ever gain the love of another. He had made me feel like I was damaged goods.
4. The flashbacks. Quite often, I had flashbacks to the abuse and what I endured. (See my post on PTSD As A Result of Narcissistic Abuse.) The flashbacks began crippling my life.
5. I don't view things the same. Before the NX, I was such a trusting person. I never thought a person could be capable of such hatred and destruction. Now, I question people's motives and intentions, and I don't have the same naivetÄ— that I used to. 6. I will never have closure. That's the thing with Narcissistic Abuse that I learned. When normal relationships end, there is closure, a reason why it ended. Not with Narcs. Many times, you are left wondering what went wrong. I know I wasted so much time racking my brains about what I did or didn't do. And that's the thing......Narcs wants to lead us to believe that WE are the cause, that WE are what's wrong. 7. Difficulty in getting help. Or, more aptly put, difficulty in finding a therapist well-versed in Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse. I had been to several therapists who knew I had been emotionally and physically abused, but didn't recognize the signs of the Narcissistic Abuse that I endured. It wasn't until March 2012 that I found a therapist who could help me. Narcissistic abuse recovery is hard. But with time and patience, you will get on the right path towards healing. What part of healing and recovery has been hard for you? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
5 Comments
Sissy
12/31/2016 04:20:18 pm
I have not been married for over 20 years but the abuse still rears it's ugly head especially now that my youngest son looks like he has gone and married himself a Narc - so it all comes rolling back. Of course the reason why my marriage broke up was my fault, more accurately, because I couldn't lose the weight I needed to! his words, not mine, but I took them on, as you say, got into my head and I believed it. It has been a very long road and recovery isn't something that I claim. I am in my 50's now and it still affects me constantly.
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Jenn
1/12/2017 09:17:37 pm
Sissy.....Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. Narcissists are good at getting us to believe bad things about ourselves. If they keep telling us day in and day out that we are fat, then after a while, we will begin to believe it. My NX already knew I didn't have a positive body image to start with.....he played that up and kept putting me down any chance he got. He made jokes at my expense. That kind of thing. It is okay to still have bad days. We all do. It's part and parcel of the healing and recovery process. It is definitely difficult to trust others after what we endured, I agree with you there! Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you. (Oh...if you haven't already, hop on over to my Facebook page by the same name. Just click on the "F" icon at the top of this page.) <3
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Corinne
3/11/2017 06:07:11 pm
All applied, but especially #6, dumped without warning! ! That hurt the most! !
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Amy Sanchez
5/29/2017 05:20:24 pm
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Robyn
5/29/2017 06:20:07 pm
My narc unexpectedly abandoned me & our 3 children after 20 years of marriage. I was completely blindsided, and his reasons were nonsensical (I like going to concerts with my friends, I walk too slow, I don't laugh at his jokes). After he left, he refused to communicate with me, rarely visited the children, and told his entire family I kicked him out. I spiraled into major depression and anxiety, some days unable to even get out of bed to care for the children. Finally a friend suggested I see a therapist, and it was through these sessions I discovered the truth. My husband, who I have known most of my adult life, is a malignant narcissist. I began to remember being such a happy, self sufficient young lady. Yet slowly over time he reduced me to a zombie who had no thoughts or opinions of her own. I relied on him for everything, and the day he walked out he took it all with him. This was only 4 months ago so I am far from recovery. Until very recently I was still hoping he would come back! But I am currently utilizing the no contact rule and every day I seem to get a little stronger. I still have moments when I just miss him so much, but I remind myself it is just the illusion that I miss, not the man he actually is. I will never understand how or why this happened, but I refuse to take the blame he throws at me. I assume there is a new target for him now. I can only hope she catches on alot sooner than I did.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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