Children are the innocent victims caught in the crossfire when Narcissistic parents play the loyalty conflict game. It is a fascinating topic. One that I wanted to explore more in a blog post.
What is a Loyalty Conflict?
Quite simply put, a loyalty conflict is when the children are pulled in two different directions between the parents, much like a game of Tug-Of-War. The children are guilted into choosing a side because they are led to believe that they cannot love both parents equally.
Why is it damaging to the children?
The children involved will no doubt feel fear, worry, guilt, and concern. These feelings are associated with the knowledge that in order to make the Narcissistic parent happy, they have to reject you (the healthy parent). This could cause the children to feel conflicted because they know they love you but cannot express that love the way they want to.
My NX has custody of the children and I feel the children need to please him in order to keep the peace within their home. Thus, the children do not contact me often, nor do they see me often.
“When your ex makes disparaging comments about you, impinges on your parenting time, or makes statements that lead your child to believe that she can’t love both of her parents, your child may feel pressure to choose your ex and reject you.”
Why this hurts the healthy parent
Over time, the children will continue to reject you and lead you to feel lost, confused, sad, angry. This will inevitably lead the children to lose the type of relationship with you that should have been. And when the children lose this relationship with you, they will have lost the chance for you to give them different life experiences.
Because my NX gained custody, I feel I am losing out on my children’s life experiences. I am not IN their lives. I am not going to school functions. I am not helping them with schoolwork. I am not doing day to day things with them. When these feelings of being left out occur, I feel like the NX has won.
I am losing out on my children growing up. And that is the point of this blog, my friends. That is exactly what a loyalty conflict does. It tears the children away from the loving parent.
We as loving parents do what we can for our children. But the Narcissists see that as a challenge. They want to win at all costs. So therefore, because of their jealousy, the Narcissists will use any means necessary to “win.” They will make disparaging remarks about you. They will pull the children towards them with promises of a better, happier life. It is to tear the children away from having the chance at having a relationship with both parents.
Have you experienced a loyalty conflict with your children? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna (my pen name), the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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