Children are the innocent victims caught in the crossfire when Narcissistic parents play the loyalty conflict game. It is a fascinating topic. One that I wanted to explore more in a blog post. What is a Loyalty Conflict? Quite simply put, a loyalty conflict is when the children are pulled in two different directions between the parents, much like a game of Tug-Of-War. The children are guilted into choosing a side because they are led to believe that they cannot love both parents equally. Why is it damaging to the children? The children involved will no doubt feel fear, worry, guilt, and concern. These feelings are associated with the knowledge that in order to make the Narcissistic parent happy, they have to reject you (the healthy parent). This could cause the children to feel conflicted because they know they love you but cannot express that love the way they want to. My NX has custody of the children and I feel the children need to please him in order to keep the peace within their home. Thus, the children do not contact me often, nor do they see me often. “When your ex makes disparaging comments about you, impinges on your parenting time, or makes statements that lead your child to believe that she can’t love both of her parents, your child may feel pressure to choose your ex and reject you.” Why this hurts the healthy parent
Over time, the children will continue to reject you and lead you to feel lost, confused, sad, angry. This will inevitably lead the children to lose the type of relationship with you that should have been. And when the children lose this relationship with you, they will have lost the chance for you to give them different life experiences. Because my NX gained custody, I feel I am losing out on my children’s life experiences. I am not IN their lives. I am not going to school functions. I am not helping them with schoolwork. I am not doing day to day things with them. When these feelings of being left out occur, I feel like the NX has won. I am losing out on my children growing up. And that is the point of this blog, my friends. That is exactly what a loyalty conflict does. It tears the children away from the loving parent. Bottom line We as loving parents do what we can for our children. But the Narcissists see that as a challenge. They want to win at all costs. So therefore, because of their jealousy, the Narcissists will use any means necessary to “win.” They will make disparaging remarks about you. They will pull the children towards them with promises of a better, happier life. It is to tear the children away from having the chance at having a relationship with both parents. Have you experienced a loyalty conflict with your children? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories.
1 Comment
Jackie
10/22/2017 02:15:41 pm
My situation at the moment. Left my ex 4 years ago after 10 years of hell. Our 3 children came with me. I never stopped them from seeing him. My eldest Son decided he had had enough of my ex 2 years ago so chose to stop going. My youngest Son very rarely goes but my daughter has always gone. She is type 1 diabetic and I have always managed her care, even when with my ex. He was never interested. She has been struggling with her diabetes all year and actually ran away from home a few weeks ago so for her safety, I had to involve my ex. He was his usual evil self and blamed everything on me. My daughter has now chosen to live with her Dad. He has posted nasty, evil comments all over facebook and my daughter isn't even contacting me. He has turned her against me and due to him having more money than me (he has never financially support me) he is flashing his cash to keep her there. I am hoping she will eventually see that the grass is not always greener on the other side, but for now, she has told me that I am not her Mum and she wants me to leave her alone. I am doing this and just leaving her to work out what she wants to do. I just worry that his nasty traits will rub off onto my daughter. xx
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