When there is great loss in our lives, it can be so difficult to process. And that’s when it’s a normal every day loss. What about when the loss is due to a toxic relationship that came to a sudden end? We still need to process the grief we feel. Processing grief properly is so vital to our healing journey.
When toxic relationships (like ones with Narcissists) come to an end, we still need to process our grief.
Why? Why process the grief when the relationship was so toxic? Why mourn such an evil existence? Mourning the loss of toxic relationships is a must. We must go through the stages of grief because if we don’t, we will stay stuck in a downward spiral and stay stuck in grief. The stages of grief Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced the five stages in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” When we endure such sadness, there is no right way to grieve. In fact, we may not even go through all the stages. Or if we do, we will bounce back and forth between the stages. 1. Denial/Isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance “But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ‘s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is an unique as you are.”
Why it’s so vital
As mentioned earlier, processing grief is essential to healing. When we go through something as horrible as a relationship with a Narcissist, even that deserves proper mourning. But why? Why must we mourn something so toxic? Why must we grieve for something that was never real? I know I asked that question earlier, but it’s a valid question that deserves an answer. You see, we need to mourn the downfall of the relationship with the Narcissist because it was real for us. We were led to believe that we were living the dream. With the perfect mate. In a perfect life. We need to process what we endured. We must realize that it was not our fault for entering into this relationship. We were not to blame. We need to mourn that because there are things we need to sort through. The feelings that are left behind. The whys, the hows and the wheres. We must dissect what we endured in order to take steps to move forward in our lives. To move forward in our healing journey. Bottom line The stages of grief may be listed numerically one through five. But there are no set rules to say that we must go through them in that order or go through every single one. We can go through two, three or even four. The thing about grieving and mourning is that there is no right way to do it. One important thing to keep in mind as you traverse the path of grief and mourning. Take your time. There is no timeline when grieving. Take as much time as you need. What are your thoughts on the stages of grief? Comment below with your thoughts. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
5 Comments
Kas Wells
7/26/2017 10:11:29 am
Interesting article, my daughter has been in a relationship which ended very abruptly and she can't proccess what happend. He is a self confessed narcissist.
Reply
Julianna
7/30/2017 10:43:01 am
Kas......I am sorry that your daughter endured what she has. It will take time for her to process what happened. Healing is not an overnight thing. It takes time. I wish her all the best. Is she in any therapy? What about support pages or groups? If she is on Facebook, have her stop in on my Facebook page of this same name. It is a community of over 65,000 survivors who help each other make sense of what happened. Take care. Many hugs to you.
Reply
Kim
8/12/2017 06:31:37 am
I have been in a narcissistic relationship for 15 years. The marriage ended 2 years ago but the relationship continued until last week. He then abruptly left me and moved to another state and is engaged to another woman he had been keeping secret for months. He had begged me to trust him again. That we would never be apart. I had allowed myself back in to this and now I'm left worse than I was 2 years ago. Broken and extremely depressed. I have always been the one he could count on to come running back to when things didn't work out. I'm in therapy now and hoping to move on with my life, what is left of it, and heal. At this point, I don't even know if that is possible. He has played me for a fool so many times. I feel like a failure and if it wasn't for my kids by a previous marriage, I would end it all. I don't understand how someone can do this to another and sleep at night.
Reply
Allie
11/24/2017 01:26:40 pm
Kim, I was in the same type of relationship for 10 years and married him 2 years ago. I left, I finally realized he would continue to do this for the rest of my life. Stay no contact. It works and grieve. Take one day at a time. You will see light. And rejoice in your children. You survived and made it out.
Reply
Nonnie Loest
11/24/2017 04:10:23 pm
I realized I was in a narcissistic abuse relationship about a year ago. I was able to finally get out and divorced in June. I had a great therapist. I'm doing much better now but I keep cycling through stages of grief for being in this fake, abusive relationship for 18 years. Right now it's anger. I'm so tired of this. I've moved on, I'm mainly grieving the waste of time and effort i put in. Literally the only good thing that came out of this was my daughter. And actually i think she knew something was wrong with him a long time ago. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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