Have you ever heard the quote "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? It originated from a 1697 play by William Congreve. Well, the same can be said about a Narcissist.....Hell hath no fury like a Narc you dare to disagree with or point out they're wrong.
There are several Narcissist characteristics that are worthy of mention. But Narc rage is one of the top most chilling and dangerous. Why? Because it can sometimes be spontaneous with no warning at all. The victim is left shaken, while the Narc continues about their day as if nothing had happened.
Narcissists feels "better" after releasing the rage, which is why they can continue on with their day as if nothing happened. I remember so many times, I would be crying on the couch, pouting, or sulking while watching TV. My NX would come into the room after the rage and say, "Well, what's wrong with you? Stop being such a cry baby about nothing." Narcissists have a character flaw in that they will see themselves as deserving of complete adoration of all who know them. They will be under the assumption that every one around them must agree with and obey everything they say and do. Any word of disapproval or disagreement from a significant other, co-worker, or acquaintance, will unleash the wrath. The Narc will go full on rage. And rarely will this rage ever take place in public! Those not in the know will say "Oh he acts like that because he has low self esteem." In all honesty, there's a lot more to it that just that. At the very core of a Narc is the insatiable need to be better than everyone else, to be smarter, or to be more successful. To boost their own fragile ego, they must act superior and all-knowing. Narcissists will always talk down to those around them, as if they always know better. They need to feel more important and smarter. When this false self is challenged, or when someone disagrees with them, they will fly into this rage. It's very akin to an injured animal striking out in fear. The Narc will feel threatened that their facade is becoming visible. They feel their grandiose core is at risk. They must strike out at all who challenge their perceived superiority.
I've witnessed 2 types of rage in my NX - explosive and passive-aggressive. Both are rather dangerous. The explosive because it is a violent outburst that is either verbal or physical.....or both. The passive-aggressive because it's an inward punishment. Narcissists will go stone cold quiet and sulk for hours or days to "punish" the victim for the perceived slight.
The worst explosive Narc rage incident with my NX that I will never forget was at the end of May 2008. We were moving from one state to another. We were somewhere in between, I believe, at a hotel for the night. The exact location is of no significance. It's the event that occurred in the hotel room that night. I was getting ready for bed, and placed my glasses on the nightstand. The dog we owned at the time had a penchant for chewing on anything she could reach. The dog got ahold of my glasses. I launched off the bed, and started to scream at her. I thought maybe the dog would let go of the glasses. The NX didn't like this, and had taken it as an aggressive act against him. He started screaming at me. I screamed back. I sat on the bed, acting like I was going to go to bed. He angrily walks over, as he's now standing over me. Still screaming at me like he's scolding me, he punched me twice on my left arm. (Screaming at me not to scream at the dog. Makes total sense, right?) I wasn't as terrified over being hit (though that did hurt). I was more concerned with the fact that my then 2 year old daughter was cowering behind the hotel room chair because she had witnessed the whole thing!! Oh....did I mention that I was also 3 months pregnant with my son at the time?? Back then, I never understood why my NX would fly into these rages. But the more they happened, the more withdrawn I became. I tried to anticipate the rages, and did what I could to avoid him having them. I know now that was no way to live! But now? Now, I have learned what Narc rage is and what causes it. I now know it was never about me. It was always about him. Were you on the receiving end of a Narc's rage? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
15 Comments
Meredith
6/21/2016 02:57:37 pm
I'm so glad I came across your post. I recently moved in with a friend until I get settled and can get my own place. I've known this friend for 4 years very well, I didn't know it at the time but the narcissistic charm hooked me, and I realized the closer we got the more I saw a different, scary, side to her. I know without a doubt her mother and I are the two closest people to her (hello inner circle of hell) and I had witnessed her narc rage a few times before moving in with her. Over the past few years I started going to therapy bc I felt like I was going insane BUT I convinced myself living with her a few months wouldn't be "that bad" bc i knew I wasn't the source of the rage. Unfortunately, against my therapist's recommendation, I decided to move in. My therapist very clearly said the past episodes of rage I described were abuse. All the while I was clinging to the thought "no, not her...she just gets angry sometimes...maybe her outburst really was my fault." Anyhow, I've been staying with her for 3 weeks now and it's definitely no picnic. I see rage at least two times a week and one episode last week led to me driving around in my car crying my eyes out bc I was shocked, stunned, saddened, and angry. Just like you said, she continued about her day as if nothing went wrong at all. I was baffled. When I confronted her the first week I moved in she said I was too moody and when I take her actions personally "that's my problem, not hers" (I should note, she made that comment and it sent chills up my spine). The total lack of empathy for how her actions and outbursts can affect other people is mind boggling. How could I not take it personally?! She's screaming at my, in my face, cursing, kicking things across the house. I am supposed to live with her until August but I don't think I can do it. With all that being said, what hurts the most is how others view her. They love and adore her and shower her with compliments. I wish we never became close friends bc the person I see is scary and the complete opposite of what others see. Only one other friend understands me when I vent to him (and that's primarily bc he can't stand her). I wish there was a way to go back and not be such close friends bc the the "fun" version of her is fun! That's what attracted me to her. I do love her very much as a friend but I don't know how strong I am. I don't want to end up resenting her (which I know has already started) but I don't know how much I can take.
Reply
Jenn
6/21/2016 05:24:30 pm
Meredith.....Thank you for your comment and sharing your story. I see a bunch of red flags from your description. The way you were left feeling is exactly the way Narcs make their victims feel. I hope you find the strength to leave your living situation. But above all, I hope you remain safe. I will be thinking about you.
Reply
Christy
9/2/2016 07:25:27 pm
I am too in a very similar situation. I have been with a man for 11 years. We got engaged three years ago! There had been repeatly cheating too many to count, which one has resulted in a child and just recently found that their maybe another from many years ago but during the relationship. Every time I'm munipulated into believing he has changed and it's going to be different this time etc. however it hasn't. To receiving emails calls and text by other women. His latest things is I know I have done wrong in past but the difference know is I know I love you and don't want to hurt you. However still two weeks ago more things have been revealed. I try and explain to him things need to be discussed and address I will not ever be able to heal and move forward with or without him with out it. We have yet to have that. Then the things I tell him I need to help build trust with him he is still unable to complete to do.... Everything always gets turn to being my fault I'm nagging I'm not trusting him or I'm just jealous etc..... I'm pretty sure I'm done and can't continue this way... But also feel stuck as I have raised his kids he has four by four different women possible five now which waiting on paternity test and the ones he has cheated with several have known about me..... Just very confused and not even sure what to do or how to move on or forward..... He gets angry and says I just continue bringing up past.... But past is still present especially with no dealing with things. I still feel as if being dishonest and hiding things between his actions and things I've found..... I feel very alone as many of my friends say the support whatever decision I make but feel like even when tried to leave even recently they aren't around to help so I get sucked back in. Not to mention my father was just diagnosed with lymphoma and he has been helping me thru that or helping with my son from previous marriage... Just feeling hopeless....
Reply
Jenn
9/2/2016 07:53:47 pm
Christy.....I have been where you are. I have felt the same exact uncertainty. I am sorry that you are going through it. I see so many red flags in his behavior. The accusations that it's your fault, that you're not trusting and that you're jealous.....that's called projection. He is accusing your of things that he himself has done or said. A Narcissist is not capable of changing, either.....he will continue to cheat, continue to say he "loves" you, and he will continue to manipulate you into thinking he's changed. There is no closure with a Narcissist either. You will never see a Narc accept responsibility for any of their actions.I have faith in you that you will find a way to move forward in your life. If you feel that you can safely leave him, then I suggest looking for ways to do that. Get help from a therapist to help heal you. If you have to, even enlist the help of your local authorities with help in leaving. Contact a local women's shelter.....many times, they have resources to help you. My thoughts are with you. (And your father, too. I will send healing thoughts to him!) Take care.
Reply
Kathie
8/4/2020 08:26:44 pm
I understand how you feel. Mine cheated nonstop.he was on dating sites,hookers,friends and family. No female escapes his notice. When caught it was always my fault. I could never get pass the hurt and move on like he wanted as he would not talk about. He would go so far as beg me to come listen as he was ready to talk only to get there and him act like he doesnt have a care in the world. Or watching a movie and i need to be quiet. I realized since he hadn't taken responsibilty for anything his entire life i could forget about getting answers. So i moved on. Away from him. Took 5 more years but i did it.
Reply
Ann
4/8/2017 10:57:29 pm
He asked me to bring something into the house. So I did. He flew into a rage. He denied saying to bring it in. I wanted to throw it at him . But was too scared. The old me would have.
Reply
Jenn
4/15/2017 04:34:48 pm
Ann.......Narcissists frequently will deny ever saying or doing something. This is why it's essential to keep communication to email or text, if you have to speak to them at all. That way, you have proof of the things they've said. If you have no reason to have contact with them (like if you have children together), then please go No Contact. Block him on all forms of social media, email, phone numbers, etc. And yeah.....I hear ya.......the old me would react to the NX in a bad way too. Part of the healing journey is to learn to deal with our emotions effectively. That means, even when dealing with difficult people, we need to not hold back our emotions per se, but learn to be civil even in the face of diversity. Make sense?
Reply
Deborah DeFelice
8/16/2017 08:58:34 am
I can even count the number of unexpected' rages' I had suffered through with my ex/ I do remember that hey always happened around the holidays in particular, and one time I was in our bedroom on the computer, and he had just gotten home from ssomewhere I don't remember but he walked straight into the bedroom ranting and raving about something so trivial that I do not remember what it was about. All I know is that it was about the worst of the many outbursts he ever exhibited, and he threw something at the lovely patterned verticle blinds we had hanging on the sliding glass door leading out to the pool. We had just bought a beautiful house. I was more shocked than usual, and more devastated for some reason. We were supposed to go to his mothers house for Christmas dinner but I was convulsing , and crying and did not go with him. When he got back home he acted as if nothing happened and casually handed me the gifts that his family had given me..I was like " whoa " this man is absolutely out of his mind, and then things would calm down and go back to normal, and I would eventually put the incident behind me until his next assault .Ultimately I was unconsciously hoping that this was all a nightmare, and I would wake up soon to a normal happy life, with a normal loving man whom I deserved. NOT !
Reply
10/19/2017 09:18:57 am
My abuser supposedly has tendencies to be a narcissist. He himself admitted just 2 years ago that a counselor he had to see due to his profession. HE'S A COP , well known in several cities, we live in his hometown, where he grew up and knows every one or is related. This is when after some research of my own, I realized there is a name for the horror I had endured. His beatings never left a mark. No one believes me that he hits. He's native American and we live on a reservation in montana. So in order to call the cops to report an incident I HAD to report it to the same place he was employed. They would simply tell me to let things blow over and things will be fine. They never did anything, they didn't believe me either. I've been here for 26 years, 16 of which he didn't hit. Being in law enforcement was too important to him. It was his dream job. He is very good at it. But the verbal assults. Sitting on my chest with his big hands across my nose and mouth. Making it hard to breathe. He called me a liar, no one will believe you, he said I was a miserable f ing c*** for hours. Screaming like a mad man. I went to the local shelter then, was able to stay 2 months. I was glad of a place to go. After the shelter however , I had nothing, living in my car, in and out of friends houses where I can only stay a few days. 2 year waiting list for shelter of anykind. I filled out the papers anyway. No children involved now all grown and gone. There are no places to go here, after the shelter I ended up back at home. My abuser had taken a job out of town and I was to "housesit" for him while out of town. Which I did, there are animals at the home who need taken care of. I only deal with him on weekends. He's found his replacement for this job, (he's no longer in law enforcement so alas the hitting began again.) He's moving back soon. And I still have no where to go. Yay me.
Reply
Survivor
4/13/2018 10:16:56 pm
Janine, your story made me cry.
Reply
AMARG
1/26/2018 03:25:39 pm
I just got my freedom two weeks ago, now recoverying. He broke up with me and still sent me text telling me where he is doing what pretending he is friendly - during our last six months, I could not get any information about his day, he refused to share and was completely emotionally unavailable. With investigation I found out he cheats, and always had been.
Reply
Survivor
4/13/2018 10:15:00 pm
AMARG1, you sound just like me!! I also want to create awareness about these dangerous destructive people. I also have thought a documentary would be a great idea!! I hope people will wake up and stop calling victims that are being abused as petty.
Reply
elaine grant
5/5/2018 12:15:07 pm
i have always said there needs to be a movie made of these ppl... i just feel it wud save so many of us such despair etc.... IM ALL FOR IT N ON BOARD 100%!!!! Thats the only way to stop such evil ppl!!!!!
Reply
lost&lonely
9/23/2018 05:01:29 am
been on the receiving end of this vile invisible abuse for 23 years,
Reply
James
5/23/2019 11:35:53 am
I've just realised over the past few days that my father is a narc, and now SO much makes sense. So much, including narc rage.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Like the FFNAEA Facebook page by clicking the icon below!
Welcome
Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2022
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship How I Lost My Identity The Fake Apology Effects of Emotional Abuse Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign Emotionally Abusive Behaviors Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation Emotional Rape Categories
All
Copyright Notice
©2016-2023. Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (in full or in part) without the express written consent of this blog's author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse with a link back to the original content.
Disclaimer
The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
|