If you've ever been on the receiving end of a Narc's tirades, you know how deep it can hurt you. Accusations, blame, rage - they are all just on the surface. It's really not you. If you listen closely, you will hear confessions!
Has the Narc ever done or said any of the following?
1. Accused you of cheating. 2. Accused you of being a pathological liar. 3. Told you that you are mentally unstable. 4. Claimed that you're a deadbeat parent. 5. Accused you of being selfish. 6. Accused you of abusing the children. 7. Accused you of being the abusive one. The above examples are called projection. Projection is defined as transferring one's own feelings, emotions and actions onto others. The Narc accuses you of cheating? You can bet that they are the one cheating. The Narc accuses you of being a liar? You can bet that they are the one doing the lying. The Narc accuses you of being crazy and mentally unstable? You can bet that they are the mentally unstable one.
The Narcissists knows they do all these things. But to avoid being discovered, they will accuse you of being and doing those things they are accusing you of! It's solely to throw you off the track of finding out who and what they are.
The Narc feels so strongly about his accusations, and projects so convincingly, that the victim will eventually begin to believe them. It's the classic Pavlovian conditioning. The victim is trained to believe things over a period of time, much in the way that Pavlov trained his dogs. The more the Narc uses this tactic, the more the victim will be taught to feel sorry for them. It doesn't matter what "crime' they think you committed, all that matters is you begin to make excuses for them and attempt to see the situation from THEIR point of view! That's the exact kind of twisted web of logic the Narc wants you to be tangled in! You begin to sympathize with their pain and begin to walk on eggshells around them. Have you seen a Narc's projection in action? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
12 Comments
Chloe
7/1/2016 09:34:27 pm
I knew when he started accusing me of being a sociopath vehemently to others in order to beat n deter my accurate diagnosis of his own psychopathy, that he was indeed the sociopath I knew he was.
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Jenn
7/1/2016 10:36:40 pm
Chloe....Awesome, good for you! Narcs hate it when we figure them out. And you did! Way to go. I hope things are better for you now. Take care.
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Dawn Ritter
1/11/2017 08:31:47 pm
Wow... 6 out of the 7....
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Jenn
1/12/2017 08:56:05 pm
Dawn.....My NX said all of them to me. I'm sure there are more that other survivors encountered. But those 7 were the highlights.
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Flow201
7/20/2017 11:37:37 am
Alarm bells started ringing when I tried to finish the relationship and he accused me of looking for my next victim, to mould, control and get rid of when I was bored. We both knew that he pursued me relentlessly, and I was love bombed to distraction until I relented. That's when I felt like I'd been shot in the chest.
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Erica
10/5/2017 06:54:37 pm
What do you think of a man who is downright paranoid of YOU cheating BECAUSE, he has been cheated on several times and has had his heart broken?
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As a man I cannot speak for other men. But dating and relationships are a business. Things go right or things go wrong. In business you expect people to do stupid things, clients or employees do stupid things. So when it came to a girlfriend cheating on me, I just expected it. Sometimes in their guilt or their desire to toy with my emotions, they told me they cheated on me.
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Sally
10/24/2017 12:59:18 pm
I love your last paragraph. Make you feel sorry for them and see everything from their point of view! This is my husband.....soon to be ex husband after 26 years together, most of my life. I still struggle with not making excuses for him, I think it's a coping mechanism, because to believe it's the real him is more painful.
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S
8/28/2018 08:57:49 am
All but #4
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Susannah
10/8/2018 04:12:12 pm
I have been in an online 'relationshp' for three month. I had a gut feeling two months in for no reason except he was so needy. Wanted me to 'wake up and think of me, breathe and think of me, I want you to be addicted to me day and night'. But I reserved judgement and put it down to his tempestuous Greek nature. We had had a relationship when we were very young (17) and I had contacted him on FB on a whim. No emotions just for a nostalgic recce. He began to send me dense poems that I (an English Grad) could not understand. He used archaic lang and references and I realised he was trying to impress me and was touched. But then I took the initiative and made a sexual reference and leapt in with my own ideas! It was like I had unleashed a Tiger! He became desperate for selfies and then pix of my boobs and then..more. He would be easily offended and imagined all kinds of slights and his response was to run away. Say 'Goodbye. For Good'. Only to return the next day with 'Im still here'. He seemed vulnerable and easy to cope with right? A kind of sweet ridiculous about him gave me as sense of having all the power. Ive got a 126 IQ and Ive lived a life of high adventure and had some magnificent men and deep loves.
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Janice
11/25/2021 08:56:18 pm
My husband tells me that I don't allow him to feel, that I am selfish and think only about my own feelings. I beg him to go to counseling. I apologize over and over and over for anything I've done to hurt him. I've made plenty of mistakes. I admit to them. I am genuinely sorry for pain that I caused him. He constantly tells me that my mind doesn't work like normal people. I am mentally exhausted from trying to show him I care or that I am truly sorry for anything I've done to cause him pain.
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Jason
3/28/2022 04:31:00 pm
Yes, my now ex whom I still associate with on a limited basis and vehemently denied she ever cheated or lied to me was always accusing me of doing such even when she had been gone with my car for unexplained hours at a time and I was sitting at home waiting on her to get back. This article explains alot. Thank you.
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