In my youth, I envisioned a life with a partner who was loving and attentive. We’d have children, live in a beautiful home. The perfect happy life you dream about as a child. But that was not to be. My marriage was one that was riddled with narcissistic and emotional abuse, financial abuse, and even some physical abuse. I did not have the perfect life that I had dreamed about as a child. What I endured was nothing short of a nightmare. I still can’t believe this happened to me.
Even nearly 7 years out, I am still baffled by how something like this could happen.
I knew evil existed in this world. I mean, there are wars, people killing other people, riots, etc. But this. This to me, took the cake. How on earth could something like this happen? Why was I chosen? Why did he pick me? Why did he have to reduce me to an empty, fearful, shell of the girl I used to be? And for what? Just so he could feel powerful and superior? How Narcissists get away with it I thought myself to be an intelligent individual. One who could easily read other people’s intentions. One who could see their character. But with evil individuals like Narcissists, you don’t see what they really are. This is because they don a mask. A mask that hides what they really are. A mask that allows the Narcissists to pretend to be anyone they want to be. This is why so many are fooled into believing they have found Mr. or Mrs. Right. I still chide myself for falling for it. It makes me feel so stupid. So foolish. So obtuse. How? How the heck did I fall for it? There are some days where all these thoughts run through my mind. How did I not see the signs? And if I did see that something was “off”.....how did I not put a stop to things? Why did I let him get away with it all? Hindsight It’s like the old adage goes, if I only knew then what I know now. Well, if I did know then what I know now, would I have done anything differently? Would I have put a stop to it sooner? Would I have gone back in January 2008? Obviously, I’ll never know the answers really to any of those questions. And it’s not healthy for me to really dwell on those questions, either. I wish I could give a simple explanation as to why this happened to me. Because I still can’t believe it happened. Do any of you readers ever think this way? What has helped you get over the hurdle of this line of thinking? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
9 Comments
KCmusic
4/26/2017 03:21:26 pm
Oh my goodness, I could've written this.
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Jenn
5/3/2017 06:14:40 am
KC......It seems like many survivors can say the same. It's because the Narcs use the same tactics on their targets. Though each of us are different, our experiences are similar. Hang in there.
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Zee
4/27/2017 10:42:00 am
This article is everything I went thro and was thinking
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Jenn
5/3/2017 06:18:10 am
Zee.........I am sorry that you endured all of that. Unfortunately, will never find true happiness. They may "find what they are looking for" in their next target, but they will never be happy with them. We learn from our experiences and to not be so open with our next relationship. That's one thing my NX taught me......don't be so willing to reveal my deepest secrets and fears and hopes and dreams. Be open still, yes. But be more cautious at the same time. I wish you well. Take care.
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Die
4/27/2017 12:02:34 pm
I can't believe I was so stupid and clueless, he didn't show his "true" colors until we got married in Sept 2013. He was the perfect gentleman when we first got together. Then shortly after we got married things changed. Slowly at first, beginning with screaming at me for other people's behavior; then men hitting on me; someone asking directions and they happen to be a man, ect. He changed my independent life into a nightmare. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am so ashamed of what I've turned into and have allowed him to do it. I was suckered in and believed everything he told me without investigating anything. Hd was so good at what he did and how he said things it was too perfect. Ladies don't allow yourself to be trapped like I have. Today is my Freedom Day I am going to stay at a women's shelter and I'm getting away and I'm taking back my life! I not allow anyone to make me feel afraid anymore!
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Jenn
5/3/2017 06:21:57 am
Die.......unfortunately, that's the way it is with toxic individuals like Narcs. They lovebomb us until we are hooked. Then they slowly weave in the abuse tactics like gaslighting, blame, diversion, etc. My NX did the same thing too.......lovebomb, then little by little the abuse started. By the time he discarded me, I didn't recognize myself either. I hope your Freedom Day was certainly freeing. I wish you well. If you haven't already, come on over to my Facebook page of this same name......just click that F icon at the top of this page. I post lots of things there too.
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Maggie
6/1/2017 11:47:31 pm
You write fir all of us. I keep from beating myself up by focusing on the positive : my deeper faith in God that has been reached through His comfort as I recover; my two amazing children; knowing that if I can survive what I endured (and continue ue to have to deal with post-divirce) that I really am strong and I really can do anything! Stay strong!
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Sarah
10/8/2017 03:42:42 am
It's happened, we have all woken up, now we need to start looking at why we attract these type of people. Deal with your wounds, find forgiveness and move forward, otherwise you will be stuck going over and over the what if's... You know the signs now and this very fact should help you move forward and cleanse your live to greatness.... Good luck one and all...
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Ray Winchester
10/9/2017 01:33:26 am
I wonder the same things. Some times it just pops in my head. After @0 years of being married, and 15 years of life after married, I never dreamed of the evil I was about to encounter...A day does not pass without some thought of that Evil..I wish You best
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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